Welcome to my life
by TeamWildeEllie
Summary: Things have never really gone Elsa's way as when something good happened there was something bad waiting right around the corner that is until she connects with someone in a way she never knew was possible as she had given up on love a long time ago.. All in Elsa's POV.. Rated M as Bad language, Violence, Self harm and other Warnings (Elsanna- non incest)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- I hope you like this story as it's quite personal for me so if not your thing don't read and hate it as it's not cool and I'd like to dedicate this to Banana-viking as she gave me the courage to do this and also went through it with me so much love to BV :) enjoy..**

So here I am twenty five and to be honest I'm surprised I lasted this long.. my life has not always been easy which you will find out soon but I think I am finally happy. I have a great job, my own house, love and support of my friends and family, which I never used to have but you will find out more about that, also I am now talking to the girl of my dreams.

* * *

><p>So let me introduce myself my name is Elsa Winters, You know I'm twenty five and I currently work as a high school science teacher.. oh and I'm a lesbian. I never really got the whole relationship love thing as you will see why later on yet due to my current situation, which again you will find out about, I think that may be changing as I seem to have a permanent smile etched on my face now a days because of a certain girl.

* * *

><p>Ok so my early life was quite hectic I was August baby which sucks as I find I prefer winter over summer any day plus with the whole surname thing I think I'm just really biased. My mom was a single parent and tried her best but it seemed I was always being cared for by my grandparents. When I was a couple of months old my mom and I moved to Toronto, Canada which although I was too young to really remember anything I'm sure I loved it. We spent three years there and then we up and moved sticks this time to Orlando, Florida which I lived until I was seven. I remember some of living in America it was really busy but most people seemed really nice. I got into the first grade and was doing really well my reading ability for my age was above and beyond and I thrived on the praise I would always get due to my studies. Of course, as every child probably has had once in their life, I had a bully and this one was a real bitch. Ursula was her name and every time I was in her presence I used to be genuinely scared for my life. She used to have a bit of a gang thing going on, I know what you're thinking a seven year old gang, but I swear Ursula, Aurora and Alice used to make my life hell. They used to take my things, steal my homework, give me special swirlies and they used to pick on me for the way I used to look; I had long blonde hair, brilliant blues eyes, I was always kind of thin and my skin never seemed to tan which caused me to have the nickname snowflake, albeit people would say that it's cute but the way they used to say it was that menacing it used to make my skin crawl. I was actually really happy when my mom announced we were moving back to the UK one night and just like that once again my life was turned upside down again.<p>

* * *

><p>So we settled back into life in the UK as if we never left. Again my mom had to work and provide for me so she ended up getting two jobs just to make ends meet again which meant I spent pretty much all my time with my grandparents again, which I loved. Although my mom had a sister and she had four children I always was the apple of my grandad's eye, to him I could do nothing wrong. I never had any siblings when I was younger so life was pretty lonely, when I was living in Canada I was quite poorly and had a few surgeries as I was a baby I didn't really know what happened or how my mom reacted as we were on our own over there as we had no support. It wasn't until I read my medical records years later that I found out my mom often left me in the hospital on my own and had spoke about putting me up for adoption as she couldn't handle my illness any more. To this day we still don't know what was wrong with me. Anyway so as I was saying it was like I lived with my grandparents and could be open with them about anything and they picked up on my education ability and encouraged me so much. I could read for hours and get lost into the story and pretend I was the main character and act out the story, I was a weird kid.. give me books over friends any day. So in my world it was just my mom and my grandparents and I was happy until the day my mom brought someone over to meet me. His name was Hans and he was an old friend of my mom's before we moved to Canada. He was tallish, thin and in a way creepy. I mean I was only seven but I could tell the guy was a douche the way he was trying to suck up to me was laughable. Of course I only really gave him a chance as he seemed to make my mom happy and that's what any child wants for there parent right. So for a few weeks my mom and Hans were always hanging out and I just stayed out of there way I would stay in my room either reading, playing with my Barbies or playing with my mega-drive, sonic ftw. I remember about a month later my mom took me out for dinner and Hans came along, they were acting all loved up and I was really too young to realize how to act or feel, still I was just happy that my mom was happy. I was half way through my ice-cream when my mom announces that her and Hans are together and that we were going to move in with Hans. I didn't know how to feel or act so I just simply nodded my head and finished my ice-cream.<p>

* * *

><p>A week later we'd moved in with Hans and his two children Anastasia and Drizella, needless to say they were bitches to me it was like I was back in elementary school with the snidy comments, the violence and the bullying it was horrible but my mom and Hans never done anything about it as they were wrapped in their own little love bubble to notice. So after about six months of non stop harassment my mom and Hans sat us all down and announced they were getting engaged and that we were moving away.. again. Thankfully it was not that far away but it's another country this time Wales. Once again I packed my stuff up and off we went to a new life.<p>

**A/N- So I put this up now while I have a free period in work just to know what y'all think of it so far.. so yeah.. thanks for reading and till next time peeps :) **


	2. Chapter 2

We moved into this cottage in the middle of no where and when I say no where I mean there was four houses in a three mile radius so it was once again pretty lonely, which I never really minded as I've always been lonely. My grandparents visited us roughly once a week, which used to be the only time I looked forward to something, but I always used to get upset when they left as I felt that I was really on my own out here. The bullying from my horrible step- sisters had dulled a bit as we really only had each other to play with or talk to, turns out they were Ok when then you break down their walls. Hans and my mom usually just done there own thing and it felt like my mom wasn't my mom any more as if I ever wanted to talk to her on her own Hans would be there to interrupt or tell me to go away. I was around eight the first time he had hit me. I was upstairs in my own little world when I heard my name being shouted form downstairs I decided to ignore it and go back to my book but then my bedroom door flew open and Hans had grabbed me by my hair dragging me out of my bed and pushing me out of my room, as he let go of my hair he slapped me in the back of my head and I ran downstairs crying. I ran straight up to my mom trying to hug her and tell her everything about what had happened, my mom just pushed me away accusing me of making it up and for me to stop lying about Hans, I remember turning around to the doorway and seeing Hans grin darkly at me. After that I was scared of Hans and didn't want to be in the same room as him, I also never told anyone else about the bad things he done to me, as from my mom's reaction I thought no one would believe me.

* * *

><p>I was nine when my mom announced she was pregnant and that actually broke me, my mom was now going to be someone else's mom and I would be pushed to the back even more so with Hans and now this baby being first. I began to act out I would argue, steal and begin to fight in school.. I think I only done this to get attention that I craved as when it was just my mom and I there was only me to focus on although I rarely saw her but now it just seems I'm in the background to her. Hans was still being a bastard to me and blaming me for everything and as I was acting out the way I did people tended to agree with him. So finally my mom gave birth to a daughter and they called her Ariel and as I predicted I was completely shut out and left to my own devices. Shortly after when Ariel was a few months old my mom and Hans got married, they had an August wedding not long after my birthday which was typical as all attention was on them. On the wedding day my mom looked beautiful and I was happy for her but then I would look over at Hans who would be giving me his usual scowl and watched as they exchanged vows. As soon as I heard my mom say I do it felt like part of me died, the happy loving part, and with that Hans had won. That night at the reception everyone was busy partying and having fun while I was in the corner on my own with my book. The next morning was the same as any other day and I had to pinch myself to see if the wedding was a dream but it was not as my eldest step sister Drizella was at the side of my bed with a bucket of water.. before I could say anything the ice cold water covered me leaving me soaking. She grabbed me out of bed and threw me into the shower. As I finished in the shower and had finished getting dressed I saw Anastasia come in from outside, I wanted to go out to find my grandparents and talk with them for a while but as I was about to go Drizella grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, as soon as I faced her I felt the hard impact of fist to nose and fell to the floor with her shouting at me saying I'm not allowed to leave till Hans let's us. I put my hand to my nose and it's covered in dark crimson.. great the day after the wedding and my jackass step sister has broke my nose. I go into the bathroom and clear myself up while I hear dumb and dumber talk about giving each other an alibi and covering up Drizella's actions. We were then all called for breakfast at the hotel reception.<p>

* * *

><p>A couple of years have passed and once again my mom was pregnant.. as you can tell I'm not overly thrilled about this as I just seem to be in the background once again. I have just started high school and it's a confusing time for me. You see Anastasia and I we don't really get on any more yet Drizella and I seem to be on Ok terms as long as I don't bother her, talk to her or act like I know her. Drizella's social status is probably mid level, she has friends and hangs around with a few of the popular kids but she's socially comfortable where as Anastasia is one of the popular kids in her year also she was a slut, sleeping and flirting with any guy around. Here I am a fresh faced year seven noob, I know all of two people as there was only three of us in year six before high school and although we got on I was the only girl. So Anastasia was in the year above me and Drizella a year above her and to say it was awkward was an understatement. Even though I had a name I was always so and so's sister which annoyed me as we weren't related. Home life was rubbish as well my mom was more concerned about Ariel as well as the new baby. Hans was never really home as he worked throughout the night, which I was always thankful for as although he simmered down on the psychical abuse the emotional torment was always going on. Once again Anastasia has brought some random dude home and is sucking face with him in the kitchen.. lovely right. You go to do your homework and they are making out and dry humping on the kitchen table. Anastasia tells me to fuck off and do my homework somewhere else but there was nowhere else as I haven't had a light in my room now for a couple weeks as it's not a priority. Looking over at this dude, I don't know his name and I'm pretty sure Anastasia doesn't even know either, he has jet black hair, well built and is not bad looking but really I'm more interested in his shoes than him. I've found this happening a lot recently I hear girls going on about how cute some guy is and I'm there checking out their asses or trying to sneak a peek down their tops, wow I'm disgusting. I first noticed it when I was ten but put it in the back of my mind but now my emotions and hormones wont let it lie. I can't be attracted to women.. can I?<p>

* * *

><p>It was a Saturday morning when Hans woke us up early and said we were going on a bike ride. Now where we lived as you know there was not a lot of people but as it was countryside it was a great place to run and cycle which if I wasn't studying, reading or grounded than I would be doing keeping fit. I grabbed a quick shower and threw on a white t-shirt, a pair of shorts and some black combat pants.. I had a thing about wearing shorts under my pants for some reason. So off we went, we decided to cycle to the nearest town and if the swimming pool was open we would cycle back grab our swimming gear and go swimming. We got half way there and stopped for a break, I remember Drizella asking if we could take out helmets off but Hans said that we could once we had gotten past this major dipping hill we were on top of. So Hans, who also had Ariel with him, went first followed by Drizella while Anastasia and I were psyching ourselves up as it was a hella big drop. I went first with Anastasia following as we got about quart of the way through I noticed my bike was gaining too much speed and began to wobble slightly, desperately and with all my strength I pulled on the brake but nothing was working, I kept pulling but it was no use all of a sudden I remember my bike wobbling like crazy and I flipped over the handlebars and began tumbling down the rest of the hill. I could hear Anastasia pull up next to me and jump off her bike.. aww man my stomach was hurting me majorly but I looked all over and saw I was Ok. I wiped my brow with my hand and that's when I saw it.. half of my ring finger was hanging off. I'm surprised I didn't pass out or anything as I wasn't that good with blood but I cupped my finger with my other hand and tried to get up but it was no use I couldn't move. I showed Anastasia what I had done who in turn let out a blood-curdling scream which made Hans and Drizella come back double time. I showed them what I done as I began to shake which later on I realized I was going into shock. There was a house on the bottom of the hill and the residents came out after hearing a commotion and saw that I was injured thankfully they called 999 and wrapped my hand up while Hans was more focused on Ariel, once again typical I'm here with what could be a life threatening injury and all he cares about is that fucking baby. Before I could say anything else another wave of nausea hit me and my stomach felt like it was about to explode. For what seemed like an eternity of waiting the ambulance finally came and I was being shipped off to hospital although we stopped to let Hans and the others off as my mom came on and she held my hand all the way to the hospital.<p>

* * *

><p>About five hours after being in hospital my grandparents turned up and I was relieved but then Hans followed them acting the worried father which his fake 'Oh sweetheart you will be Ok.. Daddy's here' routine which made my stomach feel even worse. I got transported to another hospital which Hans drove us but my mom was in the back stroking my hair and it reminded me of the times my mom and grandparents would go on our Sunday drive to the beach or somewhere and coming back he would always purposely drive past our house till I always to used say 'You've past the house' which always used to make him chuckle plus the 'Are we there yet' as soon as we left was a winner. I remember as soon as I got to the other hospital I was taken to theater straight away and the next few days were a blur as they found that when I fell off my bike the handlebars swung into my stomach giving me pancreatitus and once again I was taken to a specialist hospital half way across the country. I spent around a month or so in hospital and it was my mom and I most of the time which was nice although she was quite heavily pregnant now but I didn't mind as for now I had her to myself. Hans had to take time off work to look after the other s which he didn't mind as all he had in his mind was the compensation he was going to get as it turns out there was things missing from my bike and the bike it's self was not deemed safe, which once again I find it typical that I get the dodgy bike yet everyone else's was fine. When I was told I could leave hospital I was glad but also sad as I made some friends there plus they had a Playstation so one of the nurses who I became really close with used to sneak into my room and bring the Playstation with her and we'd play together until she had to go on rounds. When I came home my grandparents and most of my family was there for a welcome home party which was surprising as I found out Hans had organised this. I realized that this was just a ploy to keep everyone sweet while he waits for his money to come through from the compensation claim. I could still see the side sneers when no one was looking. So my near death experience must of meant nothing to him and he probably thought it was better if I had died but I wasn't going to give that asshole that satisfaction now was I.<p>

**A/N- So once again massive love to Banana-viking who made this possible and if you haven't checked out her stories yet then go and do it :) should have another chapter out soon so thanks again and till next time :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Hey y'all thank you all for reading so far you're all ace.. Ok couple of warnings for this chapter: contains self harm and attempted rape.. as usual don't read if not your thing and then send hate please and thank you.. enjoy :) **

Returning to school after half term I felt like a celebrity as everyone had heard about my accident and wanted to see my scars. I felt angry most if the time as I had one hand out of action, so the simplest things like getting dressed or writing was really hard and it annoyed me when people had to do it for me and as they did they would give me the pity looks which pissed me off the most. Anyway studies were going well and my grades were improving and I was in top set for everything which was awesome. I also noticed we had a new P.E teacher and she was amazing, she was young early twenties and black hair and brown eyes her name was Miss Fa but we were always told to call her Mulan.. wow she was really cute and seeing her I think really sealed the deal about my sexuality. Although I loved P.E anyway I'd always make an extra effort when we had Mulan teaching us but at the beginning I couldn't do anything because of my hand so I was usually her second in command which made us more closer and we just used to talk about anything and everything until someone came close enough to us and then it was all business. A couple of months later I my hand was now better enough for me to take the stupid splint off and I could use my hand fine again. Home life was crap as usual with the main problem being Hans again as he turned up the bitch switch more but the sad thing was my mom was taking his side way too much and now I rarely saw my grandparents as I was either grounded when they came or Hans would make me do some chores while they were here which was tore me apart. Not long after my mom had her second child and called her Merida and needless to say I hated her, once again the little attention I got from my accident and my studies were gone on another stupid baby. I didn't really have anyone to talk to and so after school and weekends I just stayed in my room most of the time either reading, writing, as I found that to be a creative outlet to get my emotions out, or playing guitar. I also couldn't get my feelings for other girls out of my head and it was tearing me apart. Anastasia had constant boyfriend's which always seemed to get a positive reaction from Hans and my mom and Drizella had a few boys on the go and yet here I am a single pringle and I get slated for it as I remember Hans saying 'You know you will probably turn out to be a lesbian as no man would ever want you' yeah he was that much of an asshole but in reality he was right although I was a lesbian because I just don't like guys. To stop the harassment from him and the others who followed in his cruel mocking I got myself a boyfriend.

* * *

><p>Gaston was in my year and he was tall, black hair and most of the girls in my year was in love with him which made quite a lot of people hate me more than they did already. So Elsa and Gaston was on everyone's lips some weirdos even called us Gelsa which was so lame. I mean I wasn't the greatest looking girl in my year but I think in some awkward way I was quite pretty but because of the combined efforts of my bullies and Hans I had no self confidence unless I was with Miss Fa which was weird. Lunch was usually when Gaston and I hung out he had his little group of friends which he used to show off to and show me off to which was not very attractive. There was one time when Gaston and I was outside my form and Miss Fa walked past and smiled at me I returned the smile immediately and as she carried on walking I just stood there staring at Miss Fa's ass. Gaston cottoned on to this and grabbed me by my neck roughly pulling me in for a messy kiss, he pushed his tongue into my mouth but I tried hard to keep my mouth shut, it wasn't until we were interrupted by my form tutor that her left. My tutor asked of I was Ok but instead of replying I ran into the girls bathroom and was sick in the toilets. Tears began to fill my eyes making my vision all blurry and for a good twenty minutes I just sat on the bathroom floor hugging myself as I felt that this lie I was living was going to do more harm then good.<p>

* * *

><p>Things at home were horrible no one was bothering with me, most evenings and weekends Drizella, Anastasia and I were made to look after Ariel and Merida while Hans and my mom spent more of the day in bed. It was horrible we had to do everything for them brats as well as do everything for them upstairs to. I mean I loved my mom but our relationship was just non existent and it hurt. It hurt me that I couldn't go to her with my troubles as she would just dismiss them or Hans would tell me to grow up and handle things myself. After a few months of Gaston and I dating he broke up with me as I found out he was cheating on me with someone I classed as a friend, Tiana was her name. Now you think I would be glad of this being as it was a cover relationship but it really hurt me to the point where I couldn't cope with things and my behavior was getting me into more trouble in school which meant more trouble at home. One night shortly after we had broke up I came home and found out the school had phoned my mom to moan about my behavior and to have a word with me. Now this word should have been motherly and lovingly she should of sat me down and we should of talked about how I was feeling but no Hans began shouting at me and then my mom began, way to have my back right, when they were finished and tears were flowing I ran upstairs and locked myself into the bathroom I then let myself cry fully as I hit my head on the bathroom door. I looked around and saw a tile cutter on the shelf and crawled over to pick it up, taking the blade in my hand I felt the weight of it and ran my finger along the blade which felt weird but as soon as blood began to appear from the little cut I felt happy for some reason. Angry with myself and everyone else I rolled up my sleeve and placed the blade to my arm.. come one Elsa just do it end this pain.. my mind seemed to just repeat. I dragged the blade across my wrist and watch as the blood begins to show and drip onto the floor. Just as I go to do another one the bathroom door bangs and Anastasia tells me to get out as she needs to use the bathroom, quickly I put everything away and pull my sleeve down.. in hindsight it was no the greatest idea as the blood seeped through the white shirt. Opening the door Anastasia dragged me out but noticed the blood on my shirt and dragged my sleeve up showing my self inflicted wound. She looked up giving me a half worried look yet that was quickly replaced by a kiss ass smirk as she ran down stairs to go tell off me. Hans shouted me down but he met me half way in the stairs I stepped back keeping space between us but he had some reach in him and grabbed my sleeve pulling me down a couple of steps, he lifted my blood stained sleeve and laughed at the cut 'Oh come on Elsa if you are going to kill yourself at least do everyone a favor and do it properly' he taunted before hitting me in the side of the head and going back down to where everyone was laughing and having fun. Sadly I trounced into my room and as soon as I shut the door I finally allowed my tears to fall once again.<p>

* * *

><p>Things were not getting better and I really needed to speak to someone but I didn't know how I mean I could always speak to Miss Fa but I didn't want her to judge me and there was always my best friend Snow (that was her nickname as she had pale skin to rival mine) but as we hung out more I began to feel attracted her her and I couldn't risk a friendship because of my stupid hormones plus I knew she was straight although she never had a boyfriend but she always had many admirers. So I'm in the library skipping technology when someone comes up behind me and taps my shoulder.. it was Gaston. He proceeds to tell me that Tiana and himself has broken up as he missed me so much and wanted to get back with me.. as a fool I accepted as I still felt like I needed to fit in and it seemed that he was the only one who would show me any love or affection that I deeply craved.<p>

* * *

><p>A year had passed and things were stagnant in my life. My mom was pregnant again, jeez you would think that my mom and Hans would invest in a TV or something. I found out a couple of months before she announced she was pregnant that she had a miscarriage and of course Hans blamed me for it saying I was causing unnecessary stress all the time. Gaston and I were still together although there was rumors that him and Tiana was still seeing each other behind my back but Gaston showed me attention that I desperately needed so I didn't really care. The most Gaston and I went was rare pecks, as tongue really creeped me out, and hand holding. I mean I'm fourteen for god sake, although there was girls in my year talking about sleeping with their boyfriend's and doing other stuff with them and I'm here in the corner playing Pokemon yellow but hell I will take catching pokemon over catching STD's any day. So Garçon invited me over to his while his parents were away to watch a film and play on his Playstation 2. I agreed only for the fact I only had a Playstation 1 and I really wanted to play on the PS2 but also I just wanted to escape from the constant arguing and screaming that was going on at home. I was lying on his bed just playing on the computer when I felt a hand on my leg, annoyed I moved it off and carried on playing. Once I was into the game again I felt a hand run up my back and then go under my shirt. I paused the game and looked over at Gaston who seemed to have a possessed look on his face. I told Gaston that I should go and lent forward to collect my shoes, suddenly I feel myself getting pulled forcefully back onto the bed and Gaston was quickly on top of me taking his shirt off. Oh fuck I shouldn't of left home. I try to reach up and slap him but he quickly grabs my wrists painfully forcing them above my head, with the other hand he reaches down and rips my top tearing it. I close my eyes as tears begin to slide down my cheek as there is nothing I can do. I then notice that my hands are free and he tries to open my belt and with that I punch him in the nose and roll off the bed quickly scrambling on the floor to get my shoes. Gaston gets up and grabs my foot but I swing my free leg connecting with his nuts and he let's go. Forgetting my things I run out of the house and begin the six mile walk home in a ripped shirt, one shoe and no jacket and just my luck the rain begins to pour down on my lonely journey back.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Hope you all had a good Christmas and are enjoying the holidays.. once again thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed and favorited you are all awesome and again thanks to Banana-viking for going over this with me :)**

I was now fifteen and in the last year of high school. Drizella moved out and was living with her boyfriend and Anastasia was between her boyfriend's house as well as sometimes staying at the family home. My mom gave birth to her third daughter named Rapunzel. I really had to knuckle down this year as I needed to get out of this hell hole of a house, Hans was really upping his game lately hitting me more but in places no one could see and only when we were alone. Gaston had left school shortly after the incident between himself and me, which was not surprising as I don't think I could've faced him after what he'd done. I still never told anyone about the abuse I was going through and I never told anyone what Gaston had done as I knew no one would've believed me. Sunday's were my worse day as even though my grandparents visited they would take my mom out for the day leaving myself and Hans alone with my sisters. I knew Hans wasn't hitting my sisters as they were the apple of his eye yet I was still the baggage from the marriage. Unbeknownst to anyone I was still cutting and trying kill myself, there was times that I just wished that when I fell asleep I wouldn't wake up. Snow and I were still best friends yet I still couldn't tell her anything and even though it was killing me inside I just had to smile and put on a brave face. Also my feeling's for Miss Fa was still driving me crazy as how stupid is it to have a crush on your teacher but then again I always seem to go for people I can't have. I remember going into to school one day with a black eye where my mom threw something at me and it caught me right in my eye and instead of asking if I was alright she just commented on how good of a shot she was. I was sick of my life it seemed Hans had a pull over my mom as she began to turn against me as well and I just became their personal punch bag. So after spotting me with a black eye Miss Fa pulled me into my office to talk to me about my home life as she has noticed how differently I had been acting. As she went to reach my arm I pulled back quickly due to the fact that I don't like people touching my plus I wouldn't know what would happen if she did touch me. She moved her arm away from me looking hurt and mentioned that I'd lost weight and how things were going. Of course I lied.. why would I tell her the truth and have social services involved, you see Anastasia pulled that card running away a lot because she couldn't go out or she wasn't allowed anything.. petty shit really but of course being the golden girl 'daddy' gave in to anything she asked. Miss Fa kept on looking at me which made me feel an array of emotions which I didn't know how to process. I rolled up my sleeve and showed her my arm which contained fresh and healing cuts, quickly she grabbed my arm and inspected the damage. I turn away as I feel so guilty for making her upset and tears began to fall from both our eyes. This was the first time I cried in a long while as I just learned to take the hits and abuse quietly as if I showed emotion it would just get worse. Miss Fa took me in her arms holding me close and as her perfume invaded my senses I knew that this just felt right, without thinking I leant up and moved over to kiss her, just as our lips was about to touch she moved out of the way quickly and asked me to leave. I did so and headed to the girl's bathroom crying harder now as I knew I shouldn't of done something so stupid. I got to the bathroom and looked at my reflection my skin was tacky and pale and my clothes just hung off me unhealthily I really looked a mess. I punched the mirror in anger as I hated myself for fucking everything up. Wrapping my bleeding hand up I spent the rest of the day hiding in the library.

* * *

><p>Thankfully Miss Fa never told anyone what happened that day but it seemed that she was avoiding me which became doubly hard as now she was covering as my maths tutor as well as still teaching P.E. It hurt me as we were once so close until my stupidity ruined everything and to make things worse a couple of weeks after the incident I heard that Miss Fa was leaving and taking another job else where. This really broke my heart as I wondered if it was because of what I done or what but I never got to find out the answer which still puzzles me to this day. So the one person I confided in had left me and once again I was back to feeling alone, I spent most of my time when not in class in the library as even though people let me down or hurt me books were always my friends, lame I know but I really felt that I was closer to characters in stories then I was my own family. Things were getting worse at home as Hans was just being a total jackass who had to control everyone and everything around him including taking everyone on holiday except me which was typical really but I spent that week with my nan which I would of preferred anyway but it was the fact that once again I got pushed out. In the run up to my exams my stress levels were through the roof and I began self harming quite badly again as I didn't know how to handle everything. I mean I had anxiety and depression from when I was around eleven but recently I was feeling it so much yet it was like screaming in a forest where no one could help me or hear me. I finished my exams getting all Cs which was Ok but I should of done better and Hans began his rant that I would never amount to anything, albeit I got higher than anyone else in the family Hans included but because it was me it wasn't good enough. I turned sixteen in the summer and my grandparents took me to Ireland for my birthday which was awesome and great that I got to spend quality time with was really nice as it felt that I never really got a chance to have time like this without someone interrupting or interfering. The week holiday seemed to come and go so quickly and once again I was back into the controlling way of Hans and my mom. I wanted to stay on in school and had the grades to but Hans had other ideas and made me get a job which I didn't mind but it wasn't what I wanted to do yet he forced me as now I had to start paying rent. In the end I got two jobs just to keep him happy but because he couldn't be assed driving me to work and the times my mom never had bus fare for me I had to walk around twelve miles a day to and from work which was killer but the less time I spent in the house the happier I was. It felt I was now being a proper grown-up but saying that I had to grow up pretty quick as I never had what you call I great childhood. So I was working for a good six months until Hans was not happy that I was gaining independence and had to criticize every little thing I done from the clothes I was wearing to the music I was listening to. In the end I couldn't take much more and I quit one of my jobs as the stress was killing me and I didn't know what to do.<p>

* * *

><p>One night I came home tired and wet as it was raining out and all I wanted to do was go to bed as I had an early shift start and I had worked fourteen hours that day. All I could hear when I entered the front room was drunken laughing and giggling, I walked in and saw Hans and my mom all over each other.. gross right. I walked past them heading for the door to go to bed when I accidentally hit Hans foot with the door. He shot up as if I shot him and began to have a go at me calling me and idiot and a loser. I looked at my mom for support who just looked away and let Hans continue his verbal assault. I quickly apologized and headed upstairs but Hans had followed me and grabbed my shirt stopping me in my tracks 'Listen Elsa you carry on being a moody, lazy good for nothing bitch and like that I will get you kicked out of here as your mom will pick me over you any day' Hans clicked his fingers while saying this. I was too tired to argue but after all the abuse the pair of them have given me throughout the years it would not surprise me if she did pick him over me. Getting into bed I put my music on quietly, at the time I was obsessed with the Once album by Nightwish that my grandad got me and drifted to sleep wishing I wouldn't wake up.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

I was still working long hours at my job that I totally hated, there was a couple of real bitchy girls that worked there and they liked to pick on anyone who didn't fit into their little cliq. Which annoyed me as they weren't as perfect as they made out either, although I did make one good friend, but soon after she left as she couldn't take the bullying there any more, in a way I wish I joined her but I really needed the money. After another crappy day I got home to my mom and Hans arguing which was not really new as the past week or so they were always at each others throat and I seemed to be the cause of most of it.. according to Hans. I tried to creep past but Hans had grabbed me and threw me on the sofa in between my mom and himself. He started shouting at my mom saying he couldn't take any more of the fighting and of my attitude, even though I was rarely there and when I was I would always be locked in my room. I remember Hans looking at me and grinning darkly as he had something planned 'It's either her or me so pick one' Hans growled at my mom. Whoa how the hell did we get here? I look at my mom confused and she just gave me a sad look and walked over to Hans and held his hand. I stand up and go to go upstairs but before I could Hans grabbed me by the neck and forced me into the kitchen 'I told you I would win' he said and threw me outside, locking the door after him. Fuck! I was sixteen no where to go and have little money on me, I began the six mile walk back into town as if I kept myself busy my mind wouldn't have time to process the fact that my mom has just picked her husband over her first born child.

* * *

><p>I began walking in the pitch black with the occasional car passing by and my crappy cell phone to give me light needless to say as I walked this route twice a day I knew where every pot hole and mud bank was about two hours into my walk I began to get tired and I jumped over a fence that led to a secluded house just outside of town. I saw that there was one light on so I was careful not to be noticed, I made my way towards the big oak tree in the garden, bear I mind this house was surrounded by acres of land and I set up camp under the tree. I was sitting up against the tree the rain pouring down and I was freezing, I drew my legs into my chest trying to conserve body heat but it was failing miserably. My teeth were chattering badly and I knew I needed to move so I didn't get ill or caught, I tried to move but I was just too tired so I decided to just shut my eyes for a bit just to get some strength back. It seemed like a couple of hours since I shut my eyes and I looked at my watch.. I'd only been asleep for half and hour and the temperature had dropped significantly again. I got up wrapping my arms around me and began to walk back into town wishing I was back home in my comfy bed.<p>

* * *

><p>So for the next couple of weeks I was sleeping in hospitals, bus and train shelters with just what ever I had in my bank to support me but seen as though I was only sixteen at the time so minimum wage really sucked. After I ran out of money I didn't really know what to do and asked Drizella and Anastasia for help but they declined and my grandparents blamed me as well because of the lies Hans had told them before I could speak to them and give them my side of the story. I heard about a teen homeless centre and I managed to get a room there. It was horrible as I didn't know anyone there and once again most of the other teens there seemed bitchy and horrible to me even though there was no need as we were all there for pretty much the same reason. There was one guy who lived there his name was Aladdin and he had been in the centre since it opened three years ago, he wasn't a teenager though he was early twenties but as he had no family and drug and drink problem he was told to stay there. No one really bothered with Aladdin and there was a lot of rumours going around saying he was a thief and was into some real shady things. To be honest Aladdin was the only one in the centre that wasn't horrible to me although I rarely saw him. One night I was sleeping when I was woken up by screaming, shouting and running about. I walked out of my room sleepily to see people surrounding Aladdin's room and the carers on the phone crying. I asked one of the carers what was going on but was told to get back into my room. Nodding I went back but after ten minutes I heard someone's voice saying that Aladdin was dead and had been for an hour or so. The next day I found out Aladdin had hung himself because he couldn't handle things any more. I find it funny that the people who took the mick out of him and bullied him were all here giving it the crocodile tears.. pathetic. After another couple of months at the centre I was offered a small flat which I quickly took and was now living my life the way I wanted.<p>

* * *

><p>The flat was in about two hours away from my family but I didn't really care as although my mom and I had began talking again Hans still hating my guts and visa versa. It wasn't long till I found a job close to where I was living which was Ok as it gave me a chance to earn my own money again and live my own life without having to worry about being shouting at or being beaten. I could freely walk around in my underwear or what ever the hell I wanted to with out any repercussions which I loved. I worked hard and saved my money up only really getting necessities but I really missed studying so after a lot of deliberation I cut down my job to part time hours and enrolled myself on a Forensic Science college course as I was always fascinated with this subject although I always wanted to be a Science teacher.<p>

* * *

><p>Six months later and things were going great I was now on really good terms with my grandparents again as well as my mom although I had fell out with my mom's sister over something petty but to be honest I didn't care as I was never close with her. So one night I was doing coursework when I received a text: <em>Elsa<em>, _I love you so much please take care of yourself and look after your sisters love mom x _I remembering thinking what the hell was going on so I tried calling my mom but her phone was switched off so I tried the home phone which kept on ringing. As it was near midnight there was no way that I could go and see what was wrong. I called my grandparents and my nan answered I asked what was going on but she just shunned my question and said she will let me know what's going on tomorrow and she told me my sisters was with them.. what the fuck was going on and where was Hans? The next day came and I didn't get any sleep as I was so sick with worry.. my grandparents came down to mine that morning with my sisters and asked if they could stay with me for a bit which although I was jealous of them in the end of the day they were family so I agreed. I walked my nan back down to the car where she proceeded to tell me that Hans and my mom was in hospital after they both took an overdose as my mom found out Hans had been cheating on her. My world crashed as I was always the last to know and my mom could of died because of that dickhead and her kids never even crossed her fucking mind. My sisters stayed for me a few days until they went back to stay with my grandparents again. A few weeks had passed and my mom was out of hospital but I was still weary of her as her behaviour was so erratic. My studies suffered but my tutor was understanding and gave me more lee way with my assignments.

* * *

><p>As I was a nerd I would get to college and a hour or so early just to catch up on things. I was in my own world doing an assignment on cell biology when the door knocked and a stunning woman was standing at the doorway. She was quite slim, brown silky hair and had full beautiful lips. She was wearing a white blouse and black pants, I swear I was just sitting there with my mouth open. She asked if this was Forensic Science and I nodded as words were failing me. She introduced herself as Belle and sat next to me, she smelt so good like a mix of books and mint. All lesson I was more focused on the new girl instead of listening to my tutor but this was the first time I got that 'special feeling' since my thing for Miss Fa and Snow. After class I asked her if she wanted to go for a coffee with me and she accepted which I was surprised at as no one ever wanted to hang out with me. We sat in the college canteen for a good hour just talking about anything and everything. She lived with her dad, was an only child and she loved to read. I could listen to her forever as I just sat there dreamily staring at her.. I mean I know I had just met her that morning but there was something about her that was making my heart flutter. After our little 'coffee date' we went our separate ways but she gave me her number before she left. After a couple of months it seemed every free moment I had I was either hanging out with Belle or texting her. She would even come into my work and mess about annoying my boss which would always make me smile. Belle knew pretty much everything about me and me about her except the fact that I was a lesbian.. as my feelings were getting stronger for her I decided to text her and tell her my secret and tell her how I feel: <em>Belle, erm hi, hope you are Ok and well listen I need to tell you something so promise you wont get mad but.. I kinda like.. erm women : I hope that doesn't change anything between us but if it does I understand.. Elsa x_ I waited like twenty minutes and I knew that she probably wasn't going to message me back so I give myself a pat on the back for fucking things up once again until my phone went off: _Elsa hi, my phone was on silent I guess Beyonce was right if you like it you should of put a ring on it huh! Hey it's cool I mean I like guys and girls so it's cool :) xx_ I read her message over and over with a smile etched on my face.. yey I didn't screw anything up. I left it at that for the night as I was going to see her in class the next day anyway.

* * *

><p>Once again I was the only one in the classroom until Belle came in holding two cups. She walked over and pecked me on the cheek, although I don't really like people touching me or coming near me it just felt right. She slid the cup over towards me and smiled moving her eyes between myself and the cup. I gave her a weird look and took a mouthful of my drink as I carried on with my work. She moved the cup and I saw it had writing on it: <strong>Will you go out with me?<strong> My eyes opened wide and I spat my drink all over the table and my work and looked over to her wide eyed as she proceed to wipe away the coffee dribbling down from my chin. I think the silence was making her uncomfortable as she began to drum her fingers on the table.. oh right she's still waiting on an answer.. yes!yes!yes! I laughed hugging her close. So it was official Belle and I were together.


	6. Chapter 6

Belle and I had been dating for a few months and everything was going really well. I had finished my Forensic diploma a month ago and was all ready to go to university to study Science and then go on to do my PGCE. We both were studying in the same university which was great as it gave us more time to hang out and be a couple although it had to be private as no one knew that Belle was into women and wasn't ready to come out publicly yet. Belle was studying business while I got onto my science course that I dreamed of. I never had many friends and I wasn't really looking for friendship as my main purpose of university was to get an education and get my dream job. Although everyone had always said that I would never amount to anything. I always felt a pang of jealousy every time I would pass Belle in the hallway.. me on my own with my books and her surrounded by people adoring her or more likely trying to get into her panties.. hell the furthest Belle and I got was hand holding and kissing as after the Gaston incident I haven't really been ready for anything further as I still had nightmares about it. I never asked Belle if she had been with anyone else as I don't see what that has got to do with me as that was in the past. So here I am walking on my own down a corridor in my own little world reading a book about genetics when I suddenly bump into someone knocking us both down. Looking up I see that it was Belle and her entourage. I grab my things and stand up quickly extending my hand to Belle but she slapped it away and let one of her crew help her up. I got told to watch where I was going and then got pushed out of they way being called dork and nerd as they left. I looked over at Belle who turned and gave me an apologetic look and carried on walking off. I didn't see or speak to her for a good few days after that even though I had text her telling her I wanted to see her and that I missed her.

* * *

><p>It was a Friday and I was on a deadline to get an assignment in and I still hadn't heard off Belle since that hallway incident which I was upset about as I really wanted to talk about it as it hurt me that we were together yet she just treated me like trash yet I was glad of the distraction as I know I wouldn't of got my work done. Sighing I stretched out and closed my eyes trying to push back the imminent head ache that was trying to seer through, putting my head back and leaning back on my chair I suddenly felt myself being pulled back. I opened my eyes panicking as I felt like I was going to hit the ground until I saw beautiful brown eyes shine back at me. It was Belle and without her minions. She smiled and pulled me back up grabbing the seat next to me and grabbed my hand, she apologised for her and her friends behaviour the other day and said that she never messaged me as she was super busy with all her work which I didn't blame her as I too was swamped. She asked me to come to her room that night and bring some snacks and a movie. I nodded and watched as she turned to leave, as I was about to hit my head back into the books I felt my face being turned and was met with sweet, plump lips upon mine kissing me passionately and with that Belle had left and I was left once again on my own in the deserted library.<p>

* * *

><p>I nervously stood outside Belle's room. I was wearing my favorite Spider-man shirt, jeans and my converse. I brought a Japanese horror movie, A Blood Pledge which was part of my favorite Japanese horror series, and some chocolate to keep her happy. I was still standing outside her door when suddenly the door swung open and a dude that I'd never seen before walked out bumping into me roughly. Without even saying sorry he just grinned nastily and walked off sorting his jacket out as he went. I looked into Belle's room and saw her fiddling with her shirt as she hurriedly ran to greet me. She looked around before pecking me on the cheek and dragged me in slamming the door behind her. I groaned to Belle that her friend was a bit of a beast, she said his name was Adam and to ignore him and she dragged me to the bed. She put the movie on and we just sat there talking about anything and everything, we lay at the top of her bed shoulder to shoulder as we half watched the film as well as eat the chocolate and just talk about how classes are going. Just as I was in the middle of talking about my latest assignment I felt the bed shift and saw Belle on her side just staring at me. Before I could carry on Belle had put her hand on the side of my face caressing it gently, I just lay there looking deeply into the brown orbs that had made me fall in love with her the first time we met. I was about to say something but Belle moved closer and captured my lips within hers gently, which although I was nervous about it for some reason my lips just seemed to melt into hers. After a good few minutes of making out my nerves had dissipated and I was really getting into it. She then began to snake her hand under my shirt which made my breath hitch, she whispered that she was ready in my ear and took her top off getting on top of me. After around thirty minutes it was all over and I lie there crying for some unknown reason. I don't know if it's because it was my first time and I was just really emotional or maybe it was because I loved her so much yet while we were making love she just seemed bored and would rather be anywhere but here. I quickly get dressed and grab my things while Belle is in the bathroom. I think about leaving a note and just high tailing it out of here as I feel so embarrassed about crying but I feel like I should stay and ask her how she is feeling as I think it was her first time with another girl as well. Before I choose anything my decision is made for me and Belle reappears, straight away I ask her if she is Ok and she nods but tells me she is tired and needs to go to sleep as she has stuff on in the morning. Nodding my head she follows me to the door and opens it, I sigh disappointingly as she didn't even ask how I was. I was about to leave but she pulls me back and gives me a sweet kiss. Belle tells me she will text me later and then I walk off, just as I get to the end of the hall I hear talking and see Belle pull that Adam dude into her room and slam the door shut. I don't think much of it as why would Belle cheat on me when she knows that I love her. Two hours later and I'm still awake waiting for that text off Belle but still nothing.. I wonder what she is doing now or if she is thinking about our first time, it was pretty great but I felt like it was mainly just me doing things but hey it was still awesome. I text Belle to thank her for our movie night and then go to sleep thinking about Belle and our future and how I really see us being together forever.<p>

* * *

><p>A few more moths had passed and Belle and I were still together although we never see each other any more and it really hurts. I mean after our first time we met up a few more times after that and it just seemed it was just for sex nothing else it just seemed coffee, dinner, movie and then sex.. then we took out the movie and then the dinner and finally the coffee till the only time we would meet was to screw each other, how lovely that sounds, I mean I thought she loved me but obviously I was wrong. Screw it I need to talk to her. I know she has no classes today so I'll go to her room after my class has finished. All day I felt really sick and anxious and I don't know why, well I do know why but at least I will momentarily be getting answers. So here I am outside Belle's door with a coffee and a single red rose, taking a deep breath I knock on her door. I hear mumbling and then the door opens slightly and that Adam guy is there, I ask if I can speak to Belle but he says that she doesn't want to talk to anyone and to go away. I leave the coffee and rose outside her door and trudge back to my room sadly. A couple of weeks later and still nothing off Belle and to be honest I don't care any more I'm done and I'm not being used any more I don't need the stress especially as exams are coming up shortly. I'm in the library on my own, of course, and my cell goes off.. it's a message off Belle: <em>Elsa, I'm sorry it's been so long and that I haven't spoke to you but you might as well hear this off me before any one has a chance to tell you.. I'm leaving uni and fuck.. you'll find out anyway but I'm pregnant.. I hope we can still be friends in all and I understand if you don't want to talk to me any more. <em>Are you for fucking real! She's pregnant.. wow I'm such an idiot here I was thinking about our future and how much I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her and she was sleeping around with anybody and probably everybody. She was my first and I was what.. just an experiment for her. What's the bet it is that Adam jerks kid! Oh god I feel sick! I try and phone her but it keeps going to voice mail.. what the hell you have just text me and so why are you ignoring me still. I get up and run all the way to my room getting weird looks as tears are just pouring down my face as I can't believe I was so stupid in opening myself to someone when I know I was just going to get burned anyway. Angrily I go into my bathroom and just stare at the mirror punching it angrily sending glass flying everywhere. Fuck it if no one loves me then why should I fucking be here all life is is pain and misery.. so what's the point. Just as I grab a piece of glass and place it to my wrist all I can hear is Hans laughing at me, telling me I was pathetic and a loser. I mentally tell Hans to fuck off and I drop the glass. I'm not letting either one of them win or break me. I mean it will take time to get over her and heal myself but I think I can do it and well if I lose focus all I have to do is just bury myself in uni work and keep on remembering I am doing this to get my dream job as a science teacher. Crawling into bed I cry myself to sleep thinking how suckish my life is.


	7. Chapter 7

So year one of university is complete and well my life is still meh! I haven't heard off Belle since that text message but I really think that is a good thing as I don't need her bullshit distracting me also I found out that it was Adam's child and he left uni and left the damn country to get away from Belle which I find is quite fitting also I found out that she never loved me and was cheating on me from when we began uni which was typical. To be honest I have now closed myself off to people as I find it's more trouble than it's really worth. Also as you already know I don't really like people but the uni has given me a room mate.. someone called Anna. I haven't met her yet and I don't really want to and I'm not saying that to be nasty I just want to get these two years over and done with. I wonder what this Anna chick looks like or what subject she is doing.. actually I don't care. The summer holidays have been and gone and now it's year two and I'm glad that I have something to focus on rather than being alone with my stupid thoughts. So I'm here on my own tidying my stuff and dividing it so _Anna_ has space, when the door gets thrown open and a girl my age comes bounding in with a massive bag on her back. She throws her stuff on the floor and walks over to me giving me a big hug, what the actual hell! I hate people touching me.. I wait patiently for her to get off me and then step back to get a good look at her. I have to admit she is really really stunning. She was a bit smaller then me and was quite skinny, she's got a nice tan compared to my pale ass, she had really nice red hair which was in twin braids but was hidden underneath a black beanie, she had a mass of freckles covering her face and an awesome blinding smile. She was wearing a band shirt, ripped skinny jeans and some vans. She introduces herself and settles her stuff down on her side of the room. I carry on doing my side while I occasionally glance over.. oh god she has a really nice ass. I really don't want to be in a relationship especially as I'm still not over Belle and knowing my luck Anna is straight and I will probably end up falling for her. Oh man this year is going to be awkward.

* * *

><p>It's now half way through my second year and damn my head feels like it's going to spontaneously combust. I have been between work experience at the local high school as there was no point in being a teacher if I hated it but turns out I really love it which is awesome. The work is getting harder but I love the challenge it brings. I feel like I'm officially over Belle now and I'm glad plus she has messaged me a few times apologizing and asking if we're still friends and that she misses me but I've just ignored her as I know that I'm worth more. I've also made a couple of friends in my class which is really weird as I feel like I'm out of my comfort zone but as I don't really have anyone else I thought it will be better than having no one and then there is Anna.. well she is the reason I have been making changes and I seem to be getting a bit more confident. At the beginning it was a bit weird someone there constantly in my personal space but after spending a lot of time with her my walls began to fall down and little by little I began to show her the real me. Of course me being the awkward weirdo I started to get feelings for her which I wish I never but obviously my mind and heart hates me and will do what the hell they want. There would be times where Anna would just walk around in her underwear or if I was having a nightmare she would wake me up and talk me through it and when I was settled she would sleep in my bed stroking my hair to help me back to sleep. I was really falling hard for her yet I didn't want to break this friendship that I thought I would never have with anyone. So here I am lying in bed just thinking about everything and nothing when I hear soft moaning coming from Anna's side of the room, silently I turn around pretending to close my eyes but I can still see partially. The moonlight shines in threw the blinds and onto Anna's bed and I see something under her covers move. I smile as I know what she is doing, as she begins to moan loader I mentally hi five myself as this was freaking awesome until she moans out someone's name.. my freaking name. Oh my god what do I do? Do I go to sleep, cough or sit up? maybe if she knows I'm awake she will let me help her.. wait! What if she knows another Elsa? I hear her moan loudly again as I think she is close.. oh this is so turning me on right now.. uh oh, I feel my nose tickling.. damn allergies I told Anna not to put flowers in the room especially on my side.. No! No! No! <em>Achoo <em>I hear Anna stop and sit up and can see her looking over at me, oh crap think erm I know I begin to fake snore a bit and then pretend I'm asleep.. wow I'm a genius. After a few minutes I hear Anna moaning my name again as she carries on, hell yeah I'm _really_ turned on right now all. I hear her finish as she tries to suppress her scream but fails and then she gets up and goes into the bathroom. I open my eyes properly and look around at the room as the bathroom light illuminates it. Did she like me like I liked her? Should I ask her about it or maybe even ask her out? Oh crap she's coming back.. I quickly do a Uma Thurman in Kill Bill and pretend to be asleep again just as she comes out. I turn and face the wall not really knowing what to do with myself now. As I close my eyes to fall asleep I feel my bed move and I feel arms wrapping around my waist. I hear her wish me a good night and she hopes I'm having a nice dream and then I fall asleep being the little spoon to Anna's big spoon.

* * *

><p>Damn I really hate end of year exams why are they soo bloody stressful. I don't mean to but I have seriously pushed everyone away from me and my bitch switch has officially been stuck on max. The only good thing that has happened lately is that I found out that next year I can do my PGCE alongside my final year of science and if I carry on with my placement next year then they said they can offer me a job there as soon as I finish my finals. Also I think I have blown my shot with Anna, well I wouldn't say blown it as I haven't told her about how I feel but I have been hinting and flirting so maybe she didn't like me like that. She told me not long ago that she was a lesbian although I don't think she knew I was but I never brought it up. I also began telling her about my past as my nightmares came more often when I was under stress and I think I really owed her an explanation for my behavior. We sat one night just eating ice cream as I told her everything.. well not everything Belle wasn't brought up or the fact that I tried to kiss my teacher.. my female teacher in high school basically anything pertaining to my sexuality was left out. So we ending up stuffing our faces and crying all night. Ok so here I am in my room alone as Anna was going to the library for something and I'm studying up on amazing-ness that is developmental biology.. yawn, when I get a text off a friend from my class telling me that there is a fight in the library and Anna's involved. Quickly I get up and bolt out of the door forgetting my jacket and shoes. I get to the library in record time and my friend drags me to where there is shouting and just general rowdiness, as I get pushed towards it I see Anna on the floor with her lip bleeding and oh god no.. Belle was there standing over her.. I run quickly pushing a couple of people out of the way and push Belle away from Anna. What the hell is she doing here? She must have had the baby already because no decent person would fight when pregnant. I walk over to Anna who is just looking at me confused and I help her up. Belle turns me around and slaps me hard, what the hell did I do? Anna gets an angry look on her face and goes for Belle but I pull her back and shake my head as Belle is not worth it. After everyone starts to go as the fight is over and Belle asks me why I have been ignoring her, I didn't want to have this conversation as Anna was still around and she will find out that I'm into women as well. Just as I turn back to Belle I am met by her lips upon mine, I push her off quickly and wipe my mouth.. oh well if Anna didn't know I was a lesbian then she does now.. I tell her that she is nothing to me any more and that she brought this all on herself for cheating on me and to just leave. Belle looked over at Anna and began blaming her saying that we were together, Anna just stood there not saying anything and not even looking at me. Oh nice one Belle you have fucked that up for me haven't you. Belle asks me if I wanted to start again with her and we can be a happy family as her dad is raising her child. I laugh at how pathetic she is and I grab Anna's hand and bring her with me as we leave the library and leave Belle behind for good.<p>

* * *

><p>As soon as we get back into our room I go into the bathroom and grab a wet towel and tend to Anna's injury. I apologize about what had happened and she tells me it's fine and just stares at me with a smile plastered on her face. I ask her what's wrong and she says that if she knew I was a lesbian before then she would of asked me out. I blush as although she knows about my past that didn't deter her from liking me. I ask her where does this leave us as she now knows my ex was a liar, cheat and a horrible bitch and I don't think my heart could manage being screwed around like that again. She smiles and kisses me sweetly.. oh my god her kisses are amazing.. and tells me that she isn't going to be like Belle and if we were to be together that we would not rush it and what ever I wanted to do then she would support me. I smile and kiss her again well I take it I'm in relationship number two now.. let's hope this one is better then the last.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Why isn't life easy? So me and Anna have been together for a few months and things have been going well until Anna found out that her parents died in a car crash a few days ago and since then we have been quite distant. I don't blame her as well I would be the same if it was my grandparents that died, I wouldn't really give a damn if it was my mom or my step dad to be honest, but it's like I can't seem to do anything right any more. She had received the phone call about the accident while we were in bed together and as soon as she put the phone down she crawled out of my bed and just lay on the bathroom floor crying all night, although I tried to go in and comfort her she told me to go away and leave her alone. Anna has no one else now and I keep trying to get her to open up to me and let me help her as I do love her and I want to be there for her but she keeps pushing me away and my heart and head can't handle it any more.

* * *

><p>It was nearing the end of year two and of course more exams were going on and Anna and I have still been arguing and fighting. It's been a month since her parents died and the loving, funny and amazing red head that I fell in love with seemed to have died and now she's turned into a bitchy, horrible well bitch. Everything I did was never good enough for her and if I had some clothes on the floor she would go psycho and throw them out in the hall or out of the window, we have also stopped sleeping together or doing anything couple-y any more, it's like I'm always treading on egg shells around her and I can't do it any more. After one of my harder and stressful exams I made my way to the room when I hear screaming and crashing coming from my room, I sprint to it and see Anna throwing my stuff across the room and smashing my belongings. I pull her away from my side of the bed and push her onto her bed fuming, I ask her what the hell her problem was and she just ignores me. I feel my anger disappear and put my hand on her shoulder sadly but was met which a sharp slap to the side of my face, reeling back holding my now stinging cheek. I look back over at Anna who was crying and was covering her face. I shake my head as I have had enough and grab my jacket heading out as I don't want to do or say anything that I will regret and then walk out thinking what my next plan is.<p>

* * *

><p>I check my phone and it's 11pm but I don't want to go back yet as I don't know what mood Anna is in and then for some stupid reason I find myself dialing Belle's number. Before I could hang up Belle answered asking if I was Ok, instead of lying and hiding everything I spilt everything that has happened between Anna and I. A few moments passed and Belle asked where as I was and to meet me at the local park in ten minutes. Hanging up I made my way to the park to see what she wanted. Ten minutes had passed and I was about to go back to my room as it was getting really cold when I see Belle walking towards me, she embraces me as soon as she reaches me and then put her hand on my cheek which was still hurting. She asked if that was what Anna done and I just nodded as words failed me, Belle took my hand and she led me out of the park and towards the Uni again. I was too tired to know what she had planned but maybe she could talk some sense into Anna. As we got to the room I tried opening the door as I forgot my key but it was locked. I put my ear to the door and hear sobbing from the other side. I bang on the door and tell Anna to open up but she ignores me, Belle tells me to leave her and to come back with her tonight and she will look after me. Just as we were about to leave the door swings open hitting against the wall hard. Anna walks out looking all red and puffy eyed as she looks Belle up and down disdain dripping from her. She asks what the hell is going on, I look down as words fail me and I don't know what to say unfortunately Belle hasn't lost her voice and gets in Anna's face having ago at her about the way she is treating me. I see Anna laugh sarcastically and have ago at Belle for being so hypocritical as Belle cheating on me with a guy and got herself pregnant and then treated me like shit through the entire relationship. As they were arguing my head began to pound and my breathing began to get to erratic, I tried to tell them to shut up but I couldn't get the words out. I lean against the wall holding my head as I feel something tricking from my nose, I put my hand to it and see blood covering it. The next thing happened in such a blur I can't really remember clearly but I called out Anna's name and then everything just went black.<p>

* * *

><p>I came to a few hours later and was in a hospital bed. I looked around confused and panicky as I don't know what happened. I look over and Anna is in one of the chairs asleep. I try to call her but I can't talk, I feel tired again and so I decide to get more sleep, as I close my eyes they are tore open and a flashlight blinded me. As my eyes are left alone I open them again and see a doctor and a nurse in front of me. They ask me a load of questions but I just lay there not sure what is going on. The doctor told me that I have had a seizure and that they are trying to get in touch with my mom and that Anna had brought me in. I look over at Anna who had just woken up and I feel her grab my hand. I begin to cry as I'm still confused on what happened and then I close my eyes as I hear Anna and the doctors talking.<p>

* * *

><p>I wake up with a start as I hear shouting all around me. I look around and see.. I see Hans. What the fuck is he doing here? I thought they had broke up after he cheated on her? I see my mom in the background staying silent and I see.. well hear Anna having ago at Hans telling him to get the fuck out as she knows what he has done to me and doesn't know why he's even there. I look over at Hans who is looking at me with a mix of anger and hatred and I hear him accuse me of faking it for attention. I open my mouth to tell him to fuck off until I feel Anna's hand on mine and she tells him that he is a cold hearted bastard and that you can't fake seizures and that it was the scariest thing she had ever seen and that it opened her eyes to what an amazing person I was and that she was lucky to be with me. I hear Hans snigger and tell Anna that she is stupid and that all I cause is pain and misery to everyone. Anna asks why he is here and he replies that him and my mom are back together. I look over at my mom who just looks down. Anna takes a deep breath and squeezes my hand before clearing her throat, she looks at me and smiles before returning her attention to Hans once more. Hans laughs and says that all Anna is to me is an easy leg over. Angry as I have only slept with two people which included Anna and he has slept with most of the freaking town, I sit up and croak out that Anna is not just the love of my life but my fiancée. Anna looks at me with a grin wider than the Cheshire cat and leans down kissing me sweetly. I look over and see my mom smile before Hans catches her and she quickly frowns. I tell them to leave as I will be changing the emergency contact to Anna and then I look at my mom and tell her that as long as she is with Hans that I don't want anything to do with her. Hans walks over to me bed side and I flinch as I see him bring a closed fist up before he could strike me Anna dove across me protecting me with her body as she screams for help. Before he could bring his fist down a nurse with two security guards burst in and grabbed Hans dragging him out. My mom tried to look at me but I just look away and Anna climbs back off me and apologizes smiling awkwardly. I hear my mom leave and Anna puts a hand on my cheek. I ask her what happened and she said that while Belle and herself were arguing that I just keeled over and began fitting as blood poured out of my nose. She had asked Belle to help me but Belle just ran out like the little bitch she is and so she called an ambulance and put me in the recovery position and she hasn't left my side since. I begin to cry as no one has really gave a damn about my like that without them gaining something in return. Anna scoots me over and lies down next to me as I put my head on her chest as she strokes my hair. She apologizes about the way she has been acting and she now sees what is really important to her and if I could forgive her. I nod as I take a deep breath breathing in her sweetness. So marriage huh Anna laughs as she lifts my chin up kissing me gently.<p> 


End file.
